A Life in Lyrics

you think you know

2011-11-19T21:57:00.002-05:00

You think you know me
You believe what your eyes see
You haven’t got a clue
Because you cannot see through

You think I’m weak
And that I’m meek
It only goes to show
How much you truly know

The person you think you know
Has learned to go with the flow
Is honest and witty
And doesn’t need your pity

Since you only see what your eyes see
You cannot see the real me
The person who is strong and a fighter
A person who knows how to be lighter

The person you think you know
And has stood tall
Has handled being dealt a large blow
When she wanted to fall

So you might think you have a clue
But I’m not the girl you once knew
I’m stronger than ever before
And cannot wait to see what life has in store.

Goodbye to you

2011-11-19T21:42:00.002-05:00

You think you know me
But you only know what your eyes can see
There’s so much about me that you just don’t know
So don’t judge me, pick yourself up and go

The day is brighter without you judging me
The day is warmer without you I am free
To the pages of my diary that you’ve read I took a lighter
Because of you I stand up because I’m a fighter

Having lived with you
I know how to judge who’s being true
Without you in my life
I can shed some of this strife

You’ve made me stronger
And I blast my music even louder
Because with you out of my life
There’s room for joy instead of strife

What you did and said to me
Made me realize that I was too free
Too free with every word
And you always twisted what you heard

You’ll never see my cry
Because of you I had many tears to dry
The words you’ve read have been lit on fire
Because of your twisted desire

Now you’re gone from my life
There’s more room for joy instead of strife
To you I’m a mere writer
To everyone else I am a fighter

And I’m not going anywhere
So don’t think that I’m out of your hair
Because your lies will come and haunt you
And I’ll just remind you of all you tried to do

The room is brighter today
Because I’ve had my say
And every word has made me stronger
And I can fight a little longer.

If I knew then what I know now

2011-11-19T21:29:00.002-05:00

I wonder if I knew then what I know now
Would I have changed at all?
It doesn’t matter anyhow
Because of the past, I know I will not fall

With every mistake I made
I lived and pulled through
My past I’d never trade
Because it’s taught me what to do

Knowing that I’ve made a mistake
Knowing that I fell and was able to stand tall
Makes me know to learn with every step I take
And when I hurt who I can call

So wondering if knowing then what I know now
Is pointless for me
Because I’ve made it here anyhow
And the past has set me free

Without learning from every mistake
I wouldn’t be me
Without learning how not to break
I wouldn’t be free.

Love, listen, learn, and laugh

2011-11-02T23:33:00.000-04:00

Love every family member and friend
Listen to your favorite song
Learn from taking the wrong bend
Laugh because it makes you strong

Love every moment of the day
Listen for inspiration in every sound
Learn when to walk away
Laugh when on a merry-go-round

Love being where you are
Listen to those who love you
Learn something bizarre
Laugh at the ridiculous things you sometimes do

Love what you see in the mirror each day
Listen to your heart
Learn that it’s okay to have your say
Laugh whenever you decide to have a new start

Loving, listening, learning and laughing help you grow
They help you move to what the future may bring
They help you understand what you already know
Love, listen, learn, and laugh even when doing so brings a sting.

Methods of Relaxation

2011-11-02T23:23:00.003-04:00

Let it all go away
Let yourself float
Allow yourself to enjoy the day
Relax and of the beauty take note

Pretend you’re in the country reading a book
Pretend you’re bathing in the sun under a palm tree
Allow yourself to be as calm as a brook
Relax and listen to the sounds of the sea

Swim in the pool all day
Write every emotion down
Let your words float onto the paper and stay
So that in your emotions you do not drown

To my brothers

2011-11-02T23:12:00.001-04:00

I want you to know
I love you and always will
I’ll never let you go
Even when you’re tumbling down a hill

No matter what you do
You mean the world to me
I love you through and through
Over the mountains and on the sea

I’ll read “Goodnight Moon” everyday
I’ll let you play music I don’t want to hear
Just because you want to push play
I love you even when I’m not near

I’ll watch ninja movies all night
Because you want to spend time with me
Just like when you needed me to wipe away the fright
I love you even when you aren’t acting how you should be

To the moon and the stars again
That’s what I always say
I love you a million times ten
I promise my love will never fade away

Through the darkest night
During the brightest day
I love you with all my might
And no matter what, my love will stay.

Strength

2011-11-02T20:35:00.000-04:00

Nobody said that life would be easy or this hard
Believe in all you can and will do
And no matter the card
You will come through

Believe that you can make it through
And you’ll survive whatever comes your way
Put all of yourself in all you do
And never listen to what the doomsayers say

Life might be hard at this very moment
But you’re living through every second
So for yourself you must be present
Because you are a force with whom to be reckoned

Nobody said that life would be easy or this hard
Believe in all you can and will do
And no matter the card
You will come through

It not always easy to see your strength
So remember all the power within
Then you can hold on for a greater length
And you will see the light no matter how dark it’s been
If you just believe in the power you hold
When life isn’t easy and it feels too hard
Know that you are strong and you are bold
And that your strength is what keeps you from being charred

Life isn’t always going to be easy
But even on your darkest day
You can make it feel breezy
Because you held onto the strength you had stored away.

You seem to forget

2011-10-27T23:44:00.001-04:00

You seem to forget
And there are things you’ll regret
You’re letting me go
And dealing me a hard blow

You think that I won’t survive another fall
But I always end up standing tall
In time I shall forget
All the things I’ve come to regret

I let you into my life again
Knowing how I hurt back then
I assumed you changed over time
But it’s the same old nursery rhyme

I was the princess in your world
The girl you always twirled
Now you’re letting me go once again
But I won’t let myself hurt like I did back then

I’m grown
I should’ve known
It would be the same
I thought that perhaps you’d become tame

I was so very wrong
But I shan’t hold onto the pain too long
Because I did it before
And my heart you tore

My heart’s bruised today
And the pains fading away
Because I’m used to you saying goodbye
I shan’t even cry

You only see the bad
And what makes me mad
Is that I’ll always love you
Despite everything you’ve put me though

I was your princess once upon a time
Now I’m not worth a nursery rhyme
But it’s okay because I can make it through each day

As We Grow-Part 2

2011-10-27T23:33:00.001-04:00

We live, we learn and we grow
We try to pave a safe path on which to go
We learn from the past and every mistake
And learn to adapt with every step we take

With life moving ahead
We try to be well read
So that we can make it through
As each day we start anew

As we grow
We learn to let go
Of the things we used to be
And we become independent and free

Each day, we try to pave the way
To have a brighter day
So we look back at the past and every mistake
And are careful with every step we take

We leave what was in the past
We learn when to run fast
And make new friends
And we form better bonds over the curvy bends

As we grow
We need to know
That the past has made us who we are today
And that from that past we can walk away

From looking at the past and every mistake
We’re cautious with each step we take
We learn to know who you can trust completely
And who to walk away from neatly

We form friendships that will last every day of life
We learn who to count on through the worst strife
We grow and become better and brighter than before
And aren’t afraid to open a new door.

Blessed

2011-10-27T19:40:00.001-04:00

To have been blessed with people who truly care is a rare thing
I’m lucky to have people who’ll stand by me no matter what the future will bring
I’ve been blessed because I’m able to live, laugh and learn
To have people to whom I can always turn

To have somebody at your side no matter what’s happening in life
To be there when you feel life’s’ greatest and hardest strife
Is truly the best blessing for any person to have today
Because when things get hard today people tend to run the other way

To have somebody who will tell you the truth even if it hurts you
Is a gift because you know that the person is true
To have somebody to laugh with is the greatest treasure
Because true laughter melts away any displeasure

To have people in your life to help you learn each day
Is not something one ought to throw away
To know that there are people you love and love you back
Is something to remember when your world feels black

I’m blessed to have people I love, can learn and laugh with each day
I’m glad that you guys are in my life to stay
You guys are each a true gem
And none of you would I ever condemn.

We hope, pray and dream

2011-10-02T21:59:00.000-04:00

We hope, pray and dream
For a better day
For life to keep us going upstream
We hope, pray and dream to learn from yesterday

We hope, pray and dream to not to relive yesterday
To live to see a better tomorrow
To see how our lives’ will play
We hope, pray and dream to not have any more sorrow

We hope, pray and dream that our lives have no sorrow
That we can change what will be
That we can be better people on the morrow
We hope, pray and dream to be calm lying under a palm tree

We hope, pray and dream that we grow like a tree
And hope to grow to be wise and strong
And to be able to see what we couldn’t see
We hope, pray and dream to learn from all that’s wrong

We hope, pray and dream that when things go wrong
That we know how to stand tall
And how to hold on for long
We hope, pray and dream that somebody’s there to catch us when we fall

We hope, pray and dream that when we fall
We will be able to rise again
And know who to call
We hope, pray and dream of the strength the pen

We hope, pray and dream that the words we write with that pen
Will help us heal
And pray for our own sacred glen
We hope, pray and dream to be able to feel

We hope, pray and dream that our dreams will come true
We write them down
In hopes that they do
We hope, pray and dream that we never drown

Words heal
A pen is mightier than the sword
Words will help us deal
We hope, pray and dream that our words will help our joy to be restored.

To my parents

2011-09-26T00:00:00.001-04:00

You helped me up when I was down
You taught me to swim so I’d never drown
Even when I felt like everything was going wrong
You told me I’d be okay because I am strong

You love me day and night
Even when we fight
I know you’ll always be by my side
That in you I can always confide

When I am sick you try to make me laugh
You try to make my stress be cut in half
When I make I mistake
You tell me to watch every step I take

Through this rollercoaster that is my life
Even when you’ve been the cause of my strife
You let me come to you and cry
And tell me you’ll be here even after the tears dry

I was blessed with parents who always will love me
Who see past what anybody else can see
Who would fight for me so I’d be okay
So that I’d be happy every day

Not every person has parents who care
Not everyone has somebody to run to when they feel despair
So when I’m happy, sad, angry or stressed
With you two I know I was blessed

Because I can tell you everything
And you’ll try to push away every hurtful thing
You’ll try and protect me from it all
And will always be there when I fall

Not every person has parents who care
Not everyone has somebody to run to when they feel despair
You two are truly the best
I know that I am truly blessed.

To A New Year

2011-09-25T22:02:00.001-04:00

A new year is coming
My heart starts drumming
In my head I start to pray
That next year will bring more than one bright day

The year is coming to an end
The past and the future start to blend
In a week from now all will be new
And hopefully we’ll have learned from all we already knew

The new year should bring happiness, joy and good luck
The past things done we will now be able to chuck
To those I hold close and dear
I wish you the happiest new year.

Happily moving forward

2011-09-14T18:18:00.000-04:00

I'm happily moving forward
Looking forward to the future no matter what comes my way
I’ll no longer going to feel like a coward
When I have a bad day

There’s a bright future to look forward to
Even when the sky looks gray
I’ll do what I need to do
And live happily that way

I’m looking forward to what will be
Happily embracing each day now
No matter what I may see
I’m glad I made it here somehow

Blue or gray skies above
Here I go
I’m blessed with so much love
The love will help me as I grow

I’m looking forward to the good and to the bad
Each moment will help me grow
Each moment whether happy or sad
Will help me as I continue to grow

So, I’m looking forward to what will be
Happily embracing each day now
No matter what I may see
I’m glad I made it here somehow

September 11, 2011 844 PM

2011-09-11T21:09:00.000-04:00

There’s no shame in crying
No shame in letting your emotions out
When you feel like you’re dying
When you are emotional it’s okay to shout

Society teaches us to be strong
To never allow our emotions in
But without emotions, we wouldn’t last long
Holding emotions back is the greatest of any sin

There’s no shame in wanting to scream
There’s nothing wrong with anger when mad
Just learn not to rip yourself seam to seem
And know that you can also feel glad

The walls we put up are okay
We just need to let ourselves feel
At least once or twice a day
So that we may properly deal

September 11. 2011: An Ode to New York

2011-09-11T12:03:00.002-04:00

I live in a city so strong
People were wrong
If they thought we’d fall
But we’re a city standing tall

A city where dreams can come true
Where you can achieve all you want to do
Ride in a cab or in the subway and walk in the park
Or find a place where you’re safe after dark

A city where if I make it here
I know I’ll make it anywhere
This is the Empire State
Where people juggle more than what’s on their plate

This is a place where you can trot
Or take in your favorite spot
Ten years, a tragedy hit
And we fought and didn’t sit

This is New York
We have torque
Everyone can fulfill their every dream
While sitting in the Park eating ice cream

We live in the strongest town around
We have our own rhythm and sound
It’s called the New York beat
And succeeding and living here is a great feat

July 17, 2011: A friend like you

2011-09-10T23:37:00.000-04:00

Knowing you has made me a better person
You’ve taught me that it’s okay to have a bit of fun
You’ve taught me that over thinking all the time isn’t the best thing to do
For guiding me through tears, for helping me learn that it’s okay to laugh I thank you

A friend like you is rare
A Friend who can truly care
To whom you can talk and listen to
Are friends who are true

A person who teaches you to laugh is a polished gem
One who metaphorically helps you mend every hem
And allow you to help them too
Is what I admire most in you

I hope that we’ll continue helping each other grow
Teach the other something they don’t already know
I know that this friendship will last a lifetime each day
Because you’ll be there no matter what may come our way.

September 10. 2011: Ten years later

2011-09-10T22:44:00.001-04:00

Ten years ago

Our lives changed in a second

We didn’t know that we’d grow

And we’d be a force to be with whom to be reckoned

Ten years ago our world was shattered

We thought we’d never get through it

We were a nation battered

But now we’ll be a nation that’s fit

In ten years we killed Sadaam and Osama for safety

We’ve had time to grow

Even as we conquered biosafety

And we continue learning more than we know

We’re a nation standing strong

After ten years we’re still here

The extremists were wrong

And we aren’t a pawn or puppeteer

After ten years and the pain

We’re are still standing tall

We won’t be a nation slain

We shall never fall

Aspirations

2011-09-08T19:47:00.001-04:00

"Our aspirations are our possibilities."

- Robert Browning

First Day of Senior Year in College

2011-09-08T17:50:00.004-04:00

Today, I’m nervous and filled with hope

Today a feel like a fresh bar of soap

Clean and ready for another new start

To learn some more and with the past to part

Hopes, dreams, and aspirations inside

I want to go run and hid

But I will not

Instead I’ll tie the knot

Tie the knot so I can be me

And have the future I want to see

Never give up I’ve told myself

Never s it’s time to put yourself on the shelf

With the hopes of a bright future ahead

There will be many prayers said

With every dream and goal I want to achieve

In myself I must believe

Apollo’s Unrequited Love

2011-09-07T18:15:00.002-04:00

Characters

Daphne, a nymph

Apollo, god of the Sun and music, truth and prophecy; archery; medicine, healing and plague, poetry, and the arts

Cupid, the god of love

Peneus, a river god, father of Daphne

Setting

Mount Olympus and Ancient Rome

Time

The Mythic Past

As the Curtain rises, we see Cupid and Apollo standing in a green meadow. Apollo is standing on the far left of the stage, while Cupid is standing on the far right of the stage. Daphne is standing center stage.

Apollo: (in a condescending voice) Hey, Cupe-what’s a guy like you doing with weapons like this? Only real a real god should play with such weaponry.

Apollo walks towards Cupid and picks up his bow and arrows. He starts playing with them.

Cupid: (angrily) Just because I make people fall in love does not make me less godly.

Cupid rushes toward Apollo and grabs the bow and arrows away from Apollo.

Cupid: (vindictively) You, Apollo are too haughty. You think I have no power? I shall curse you with the powers I have. I shall shoot you with one gold arrow so you feel only love and one lead arrow so you will feel hatred. Once shot with both of these, you shall be in constant pain.

Apollo without showing any fear takes a step closer to Cupid.

Apollo: Go ahead, child. Your little arrows cannot harm me in the slightest. Give it your best shot.

Cupid raises his bow and simultaneously shoots his arrows. Daphne who remains statuesque during the conversation between Cupid and Apollo screams out in pain. Apollo runs over to Daphne who lies twisted on the ground with a lead arrow pierced through her heart and tries to tend her. Cupid does not move nor does he say a word. He looks on and smirks.

Apollo: (bending down to see Daphne’s wound) My love, where does it hurt? How can I help you?

Daphne: (disgusted) Step away from me you fool. I am not your love. I do not want or need your love.

Cupid: (mimicking Apollo in a hushed voice) Go ahead, child. Your little arrows cannot harm me in the slightest. Give it your best shot.

Apollo: (angrily) Can it, Cupe.

Cupid smiles and laughs before he flies away leaving Apollo to watch Daphne. As Apollo gazes upon Daphne, she stands up and pulls the arrow out of her chest stands and flies away as the stage become pitch black. As light descends upon the stage we see Daphne dancing whimsically to Mozart’s Lullaby in a forest full of blooming flowers. Peneus, her father steps out of the river in the background and approaches his daughter who continues dancing.

Peneus: Daphne, my darling daughter, it’s time to find you a husband that you can love so that you may have children to fill your life with happiness as you have done for me.

Daphne laughs loudly and continues dancing.

Daphne: Father, I shall never marry. Love holds no interest for me. I beg you to allow me to remain unmarried like Artemis.

Peneus: Daughter, with your beauty it shall be impossible for you to remain unwed like Artemis.

Daphne: Father, you exaggerate my beauty. I have no desire to wed. (She pauses) Besides, I have no acceptable suitors. Even if you were to find me an acceptable suitor, one who matched my own whims, I would never love him or any child I would birth. I do not have a loving bone in this body of mine.

Peneus: I wonder what happened to my daughter who loved and cared for more than those things that lie in this forest.

Apollo suddenly appears on the stage behind Daphne.

Apollo: Peneus, if it pleases you, I shall tell you why your daughter has changed.

Daphne finally stops dancing and turns to Apollo with her face beet red.

Daphne: (irately) You! (She yells) I told you to never come near me ever again.

Peneus: Child, let Apollo speak.

Daphne glares at Peneus and pouts. Peneus then shakes his head at her and she resumes her dance.

Apollo: Thank you very much, sir. (He clears his throat) Well, sir, her current behavior is my own fault. I challenged Cupid and his godliness and he attempted to punish me by shooting me with both a gold and lead arrow to teach me not to be arrogant. His aim was off and the lead arrow pierced Daphne’s heart instead of my own. But, it should please you to know that I love her anyway. I still want her to be my wife. No other man will have a woman who is as cold as your daughter has become.

Peneus paces the forest where his daughter danced and seems to be in deep thought as he considers Apollo’s words.

Daphne: Father, please do not make me marry this brutish man.

Apollo: Darling Daphne, I love you. Be my wife.

(Apollo approaches Daphne and bows before her holding out a bouquet of pansies to show his love)

Daphne: Apollo, step away from me. I shall not marry you or any brute of a man.

Apollo: Daphne, I can write you words of poetry, fight for your honor, and give you all you desire.

Daphne: Apollo, I do not desire you or any other god or mortal man.

Daphne flies away and the stage once again grows dark. When the lights on the stage become bright, we see Apollo standing in Rome outside the Temple of Venus.

Apollo: (looking slightly ashen cries out) Cupid, I beseech your help in gaining the love of Daphne, my first and only love.

The Beatle’s “All You Need is Love” plays softly and is barely audible in the background. As Cupid appears in front of Apollo, the words “Love is all you need” are clearly heard.

Apollo: Apparently, love is not all you need.

Cupid: Apollo, my dear friend. Are you ready to admit that I too have godly powers?

Apollo: (softly) Yes, Cupid. I admit that you have godly powers.

Cupid: What was that, Apollo? Speak louder as I cannot hear you over the voices of my mother’s worshippers.

Apollo: (loudly) I admit that you have godly powers. Now, will you help me?

Cupid: (in a childish voice) Sure, I’ll help you, Apollo. Follow me.

Apollo follows Cupid off stage and the stage once again turns dark. When the light turns back on, we see that Cupid has taken Apollo to Daphne’s forest. They enter the forest quietly and watch Daphne dance to Chopin’s “The Last Waltz”. Apollo approaches Daphne.

Apollo: Daphne, may I have this dance?

Daphne: (curtly) No, you may not.

Cupid steps between Apollo and Daphne.

Cupid: Daphne, will you allow me the joy of dancing with somebody as beautiful as you?

Daphne: (curtly) No, I will not.

Cupid: Daphne, this game has gone on too long. You are aware that you and Apollo are currently equally matched. Mark my words; he will catch you soon enough and you will become hisbride.

Daphne starts to run.

Apollo: (calling out to Daphne lovingly) You shall see my love that being with me is not dreadful. Being with me shall bring you a lifetime that is full with happiness, joy and laughter for as long as we are together.

Daphne is about to fly away. Apollo catches her and holds her tightly.

Daphne: (crying out in despair) Father, save me from a lifetime full of pain and sorrow with this brutish god. Father, I beg of you to rescue me from the hands of Apollo.

Daphne claws herself away from Apollo’s strong grip and begins running.

Apollo: (running after her) Daphne, my love, please return to me.

Daphne: (running) Never, Apollo. Father, again I beg you to save me from Apollo. Let the earth open up and swallow me whole. Allow me to be transformed into a piece of nature that I hold dear. Father, change my physical form so that neither Apollo nor any man, mortal or god shall ever desire me again.

As she finishes her prayer to her father, a wind chime along with the sound of a river is heard and Daphne suddenly is transformed into a tree. Her skin no longer is soft and pale, but is in the form of the bark of a tree. Her hair turns to leaves, her arms turn to branches, and her body becomes the trunk of the tree and her legs to which Apollo is clinging to become the roots of the tree.

Apollo: Daphne, I will always love you. I do not care about your physical appearance. Since you have decided to take on this form, I vow that I will always protect you. Your leaves will decorate the weapons of warriors and be used on the crowns of kings. With all my powers, I vow that you in the form of a tree will always be green and healthy unlike the other trees of the forest which decay.

As the curtain slowly falls, we see Apollo hugging Daphne who is now a tree. In the background, we hear Shania Twain’s “Forever and For Always” playing until the curtain is completely down.

Visions

2011-09-07T18:12:00.001-04:00

June 8, 2008

7:30 P.M.

It was a rainy night as we all gathered for our weekly gathering. We were four friends that rainy night coming together to have a relaxing night among friends. As we entered the living room of my dark apartment, we all got ready to let out all our frustrations and anxieties. The living room as always was lit by a dim light and had a small round table with chairs where we always gathered with glasses of wine and fruit to get away from it all. The first to arrive to our weekly event was Claire. Claire was always on time which is a good character trait given the fact that she was one of the top surgeons in New York. The next to arrive was Lila. True to her name Lila was a dark haired beauty who modeled across Europe. Last to arrive was Lana, our rock. Lana was the glue that held us together when we were each facing crises. Lana, because she had always been good at listening to other people’s problems was a psychologist. This of course left me, Cassandra, the host of tonight’s event.

As we sat around the table, a loud clap of thunder came causing the light in my living room to go out.

“Shit! Can’t you get your super to work on the wiring in this place?” Lila yelped.

“Lila, it’s an old building. The power will be back on in a minute,” Lana said sipping her wine.

“So how was everybody’s week?” Claire asked checking her pager.

“Fine,” everybody said in unison.

After an hour of us making jokes, drinking our wine and listening to music, things got serious.

“So,” I probingly asked everybody as I took a sip of wine, “Does anybody want to talk about anything?”

“Why don’t we just get the elephant out of the room, Cass,” Lila said from the windows in my living room that were facing the East River, “What Cassandra means to say is: “Does anybody want to talk about IT?” Isn’t that what you mean Cass?!”

Everybody turned to Lila shocked.

I said, “Lila, that’s not what I meant, but obviously it’s something that is on your mind.”

Lana, our resident group therapist, our glue said, “I think, Cass is right. Let’s talk about the big elephant in the room. Lila, you obviously need to let your emotions free.”

The elephant in the room, the big IT that Lila wanted to talk about had happening exactly a year before on a night exactly like this one. A year ago, we did not meet weekly, we met monthly. All of our lives’ changed that day.

“Fine,” Lila said, “I’ll talk about it.

A year before

7:30 P.M.

Clare, Lana and I were sitting in Lana’s beautiful Manhattan brownstone for our monthly girls’ night in, when Lila opened the door to the kitchen from the back door shaking her umbrella out.

“You girls would not believe what just happened to me!” She exclaimed as she sat at Lana’s round glass table grabbing a glass of wine and sipping it.

“What?” We all said in unison.

“Jeremy followed me from the shoot to my apartment,” she said and laughed, “He wants us to get back together. He says that we’re soul mates, that we’re met to be with each other until the end of time. Can you believe that?”

“Yeah, we can,” Lana and Claire said, “You are simply irresistible. You’re smart, funny, not to mention drop dead gorgeous! Of course he wants you back!”

I took a sip of wine, my third that night, and said, “Ly, be careful around him. Don’t let him into your apartment tonight, okay? He’s dangerous.”

Lila stood there and looked at me, “Oh, Cassandra! Stop being so morose,” she said sitting down at the table pouring another glass of wine to drink, “Always a doomsayer.”

“Yeah, Cass, you really have got to stop with this doomsayer stuff,” Claire echoed.

“You’ve just totally killed this buzz that I’ve got going,” Lila said as she took a sip of wine.

“Lila, I’m not trying to be a buzz kill,” I said, “I’m just trying to keep you safe from any harm.”

“Cass, just stop it!” Lila yelled, “I really think that this “I can see the future” thing has got to stop. You really should start seeing your therapist again.”

“Lila, I’m not trying to freak you out, and I’m not crazy,” I tersely replied.

“That’s it! I’ve had enough of this garbage!” Lila said standing up to get her coat and umbrella, “Lana, thanks for a great evening. Cass, go to your shrink.”

“Ly, don’t go,” Lana said as Lila headed out the door, “Thanks Cass for once again ruining another evening.”

Claire, who was a true skeptic about psychic abilities, also happened to be the only one in our little group who believed me walked with me to the train. As we headed our separate ways, Claire said to me, “Why do you bother telling people what you see? They don’t listen. Do you really think telling them can change the future?”

I looked at her and said, “I truly believe that God gave me this gift. I believe that Hr lets me see these things to help people. We have free will, if somebody doesn’t want to listen to me that is their choice. Anyway, Claire, please go to the hospital, and start working. There’s nothing you can do to help Lila.”

She turned to me and said, “There’s nothing you can do either, Cass. Have a good night and don’t worry about Lila. Maybe she’ll be more cautious around Jeremy now.”

As I got onto the train, there were teenagers who were clearly very drunk. In my head, I saw one of them get killed in a driving accident. I decided not to say anything given the response my best friends had given me. As the train rolled through the terminals, I thought of my friend and the peril I had earlier seen her facing.

At the Canal Street terminal, a young girl of about five with curly blond hair and blue eyes came up to me and said, “Don’t worry about your friend. She’ll be okay.”

I looked up at the girl stunned.

“I’m sorry about my daughter, ma’am,” An older version of the little girl picked her up and said, “Cassie, please don’t bother the young lady.”

“She’s not bothering me,” I said to the young mother who reminded me of my own.

I remembered when I was about that same age and I was on the train with my mother at the same stop going home to our apartment in Brooklyn. I had seen this woman with a sad look on her face and saw that her best friend had cancer which was supposed to kill her. I also saw that she wouldn’t die from it, so I told the woman that her friend would be okay. Just as this mother now apologized for her daughter’s odd behavior, my mother did the same thing. My mother, unfortunately did not ever believe anything I told when it came to the things I saw. “Cassandra,” she would say, “Please stop this nonsense and behave yourself.” She did not believe me until it was too late. When I was fourteen, I told her to go get a mammogram because I knew that she had cancer. She insisted that I was being a nuisance and brushed me off. She said she was too young, and because she did not listen, she died at the age of thirty-five. On her deathbed, she said to me, “Cassandra, I’m sorry that I didn’t believe you. You tried to save me and I didn’t listen. This is not your fault.” But, ever since then, I have walked around with this guilt that I was unable to save my mother from death.

After my mother died, my father who did believe me took me to a psychologist because I felt responsible for my mother’s death. My psychologist did not understand how a fifteen year old girl could feel responsible until I told him I saw her death. He then asked me more questions about my “visions” as he referred to them. He diagnosed me as being schizophrenic and was going to put me into a mental institution until I told him that his little girl had leukemia. He was shocked. I remember his blue eyes turning icy as he said, “Young lady, how did you know that. My wife and I haven’t told anybody outside the family.” I replied by telling him that I just saw it. I told him that I saw the oncologist delivering the news and also told him not to worry; his daughter would survive, even when the doctors had already given her a death sentence. His daughter, Claire ended up not only surviving, but becoming one of the top surgeons in New York. She also ended up being my friend and the only person other than my father and hers who believed me when I told them something was going to happen.

At the sudden jerk of the train, I was jolted back into reality. The next stop was mine. As I headed home to my apartment, I looked at the people around me. I stopped to admire the way people were so oblivious to the things that were going to happen to them. I saw a couple holding hands, smiling at each other, looking at each other like they were the only ones in the world and knew that they were destined to breakup because he was going to cheat on her. I saw a teenaged girl sitting on her front porch, crying because her father had lost his job and knew that her mother would buy a lottery ticket which would leave them with no money problems ever again.

I entered my dark apartment, made myself a cup of hot chocolate and sat down on my couch waiting for the phone call I knew would soon come. After two hours passed without a phone call, I decided that what I had told Claire was the truth. I decided that God had given me this gift to help people, and that if I was going to help somebody, I needed to take action.

I picked up the phone and called 9-1-1, “Yes, hi; I’d like to report an attack at 1574 Avenue J, Apartment 309J.” I said into the phone and hung up.

An hour later, at exactly 11 P.M., my phone rang. I sprang up off my couch and grabbed the phone that was sitting ten feet away from me on my dining room table.

“Hello,” I said into the phone seeing that it was Claire calling me, “How is she?”

“She’s in surgery,” Claire chokingly replied, “The police got an anonymous call saying there was an attack taking place in her apartment. They won’t let me work on her because we’re friends.”

Grabbing my coat, umbrella, and my keys, I headed out the door.

I knew which hospital she was in because it was the one closest to her apartment and the hospital where Claire worked.

When I arrived at the hospital I saw my friends. Lana was the person I saw first. Normally self composed and always pristinely dressed and made up was dressed in a sweat suit and her curly red hair which was normally pinned up was curling down her back. Next, I saw Claire who was her usual composed self. Her wavy brown hair was clipped back in a ponytail and she was wearing her scrubs. As I approached my friends, Lila’s mother came rushing into the waiting room. At forty-six years old, Lila’s mother, Diana looked like she was Lila’s sister instead of her mother. Though tonight, instead of looking like a former model, Diana actually looked like a mother. Her long black hair was piled on top of her head and she was wearing a pair of sweat pants, glasses, and no makeup, which for her was unusual.

“How’s my baby?” Diana yelled as she approached the nurses’ station.

“Miss, who is it you are looking for?” A nurse asked.

“My daughter, Lila Bella,” Diana said, “I was told she was brought her because she was attacked!”

“Miss, please wait over in the waiting room and a doctor will be in to see you as soon as your daughter is out of surgery,” the nurse replied.

Lila Bella was Lila’s stage name which Diana insisted on calling her even when they were surrounded by friends and family. Lila was born Lila Bella Steinberg. We all figured that dropping Lila’s last name was Diana’s way of telling Lila’s father that he was no longer part of their world after they divorced when Lila was three.

Diana walked into the waiting room where Lana, Claire, and I were sitting and we all huddled together and prayed that Lila would come out of the surgery okay.

After waiting in the waiting room for over two hours with no word from the doctors, Claire pulled me away from the group.

“Tell me,” Claire said, “What did you see in your vision?”

“It doesn’t matter what I saw,” I replied, “Because things have changed. I changed the way things were going to turn out because I decided to call 9-1-1.”

“Well, I want to know what you saw!” Claire exclaimed.

“Claire, it doesn’t matter what I saw then because things have been changed. Leave was would have been alone because what will be is different,” I said.

As Claire was about to ask me another questions, the surgeons came out of the operating room and walked over to Diana, “Mrs. Steinberg, you’re daughter has made it through the surgery and is now in the recovery room. We expect her to make a full recovery,” the head surgeon said.

“Oh, thank God!” Diana exclaimed, “Can we go see her?”

“When she wakes up one person can see her at a time,” the head surgeon said, “and the police want to speak to her to see exactly what happened.”

“Okay,” Diana said and then collapsed in tears on Claire’s shoulders.

“There, there, Diana,” Claire said hugging Lila’s mother, “Everything will be okay.”

We all sat in the waiting room in utter silence for the next two hours waiting for somebody to come tell us that we could go in to see Lila.

When a nurse finally came in to the waiting room to tell us that Lila was waking up, we decided that Diana would go in first.

After ten minutes, Diana came out and said that Lila wanted to see me.

As I entered the hospital room, I saw Lila surrounded by two dozen roses. She looked so frail in that bed.

“Cassie, I’m so glad you’re here.” Lila said quietly, “How did you know that I was in danger?”

Before I had the chance to answer two men walked into the hospital room. One was about six-five, chubby and had a brown buzz cut; the other was about five-ten and had blonde curly hair that almost touched his shoulders. Judging by the way they walked and just stood there, I knew they were police officers.

“Hi, Miss Steinberg, my name is Detective Young,” the blonde detective said, “We have a few questions for you.”

I turned to leave and Lila said, “No Cassie, please stay.”

So I sat in the chair next to her bed and she grabbed my hand.

“Ms. Steinberg, can you tell us what happened?” The chubby detective said.

“Yes, I can,” Lila said, “I was about to open the front door of my apartment and I saw my former boyfriend standing at the entrance. He asked me if we could go upstairs to my apartment to talk and I allowed him to enter the building. As the door to the elevator was about to close, a couple of guys came into the elevator. We thought nothing of it because there are tons of people in my building. When we got out of the elevator the two guys got out too. As I went to open the door, they asked Jeremy for his wallet and grabbed my purse. Then they tried groping me so Jeremy tried pushing us into the apartment so that they wouldn’t be able to reach us. One guy grabbed my hair and started choking me as Jeremy opened the door and started to pull me inside. The other guy shot Jeremy as the other one who had grabbed my hair took a knife and started to stab me.”

She then looked up and started to bawl, I took her hand and reassured her by telling her everything was okay now. Her eyes looked weary and she was starting to have a panic attack just as her doctor came in an informed the detectives that they had to go because they were stressing Lila too much.

After the detectives and the doctor left, Lila looked around the room seeming be lost in her own private world. I decided to go and let Lana come into the room to see if she would be able to psychologically recover from the attack.

As I walked through the cheery yellow painted walls of the wing of the hospital where Lila was, I heard someone yell, “Cassandra, stop!”

I turned around to see Jeremy’s mother running toward me, fervently waving at me trying to get my attention.

“Is Lila okay? Jeremy’s been asking after her,” Jeremy’s mother, Linda, a woman who in all ways resembled the Duchess of York, said as she reached m.

“Physically, she’ll be fine, it’s mentally that I’m worried about,” I confided to Linda, a psychiatrist who’s specialty was in dealing with post traumatic stress.

Two days later, Lana, Claire, Diana and I walked into to Lila’s hospital room to find her packing her things.

“Where do you think you’re going, young lady?” Diana asked towering over Lila in her four inch heels.

“Lila, you have to wait for the doctor to say you’re okay to go home. You aren’t healed enough to go home yet,” Claire said, “You just had some major surgeries, so you have to stay.”

“I’m going to Europe tomorrow,” Lila said, “I need to be away from it all for a bit. I’ve already spoken to a doctor in London who’ll take care of my medical health.

All of the sudden, I felt Claire staring at me, willing me to tell Lila that if she went she’d be in harm’s way, but I couldn’t because I saw that she would start to heal in Europe and try to live a normal life there. I also knew that if she stayed in New York, she would sink into a deep depression that she would never come out of.

Because Claire was staring at me, wanting me to say something, I said, “Go Lila and have fun!”

An hour later after everybody including Lila had gone home; I was in the car with Claire who had decided not to talk to me at all.

As I changed the radio station for the tenth time, I said to Claire, “What’s eating you?” I asked.

Claire stopped at a red light on Avenue I and said, “How can you let her go to Europe?”

“Claire, I can let her go because I know that the only place she will truly heal is in Europe,” I said looking out at the sky which was now clear after hours of pouring rain.

June 8, 2008

“So that’s what happened a year ago, and I feel like I’m finally healed,” Lila said as she took a final sip of her wine.

“Any predictions on where life will take us this year?” Lana jokingly said.

“Don’t joke about it Lana,” Claire said shaking her head at Lana, “If it wasn’t for Cassie, Lila wouldn’t be with us here tonight.”

Lana still the scientist said, “Gee, Claire, I thought you were a woman of science like I am and didn’t believe in this heebie jeebie stuff.”

Lila who ever since her life altering ordeal came up to me and gave me a hug, which was very out of character and said, “Cassie’s not one of these fakes you see on T.V., Lana. You’d better listen to her if she ever tells you something’s going to happen.”

“Sure thing, Lila,” Lana said as she put on her coat and started giving us all hugs.

When she got up to give me a hug, she looked at me and jokingly said, “Okay, Cass. Should I beware the ides of March?”

Suddenly as she hugged me tight I got a vision and so I calmly said, “No Lana, but you should be very wary as you drive home tonight. You could get into an accident here on the end of my block because you’re on the phone.”

“I’m a careful driver, Cass,” she said as she grabbed her keys and umbrella, “Don’t worry about me, you kooks. You should all be in therapy.”

Lila, Claire and I all watching closely as Lana got into her car and drove away. As she neared the corner to turn, we all breathed a sigh of relief.”

“Maybe this time she actually listened to me and didn’t answer a call,” I said as I started cleaning up my table.

BOOM

We all rushed to my living room window to see what had happened.

Lila got there first and yelled, “There’s been an accident. Call 9-1-1.”

Be True to Yourself

2011-09-07T17:52:00.001-04:00

In life no matter what’s going on in life

You have to make sure that you are happy with who you are

You can’t drown in your sorrow or be engulfed by strife

Always stay positive and reach for your shining star

When life seems to be bring you down

Remember that soon there will be a brighter day

So don’t ever allow yourself to drown

Because life’s not worth throwing away

Remember all of the great things given to you

You’re beautiful inside and out

Remember to always remain true

And every once in a while shout

If people don’t like you for who you are

Remember that it’s always okay

It’s their loss that they stand so far

And don’t help brighten your day

Remember that you’re surrounded by love

And other gifts from up above

Remember that you have friend who are true

Who are they to tell you what to do?

You must live life for you

Happiness is best for your life every day

To your own self be completely true

And you’ll find the pain floating away.

Apollo's Unrequited Love

2011-09-07T17:48:00.002-04:00